Friday, January 15, 2016

National Lampoons Sell Your Home Adventure


Selling our house was an interesting endeavor.

Interesting, yes we'll go with that word. It's a little more exciting than all the other four letter words that come to mind.

We sold our home ourselves for well over asking price in a week. Hello Denver housing market. This was great on the sale side... not so much on the buying side. We put offers on 5 different homes in 5 weeks and lost them all to other buyers, each week and defeat meant more time being "homeless" in between and meant another week of uncertainty. I can't explain the feeling of relief when we heard the words "you GOT the house!" on our final offer. But really that was the easy part, the true work had just begun starting with packing up a house full of 12 YEARS of stuff. Excruciating.


While it all ends happily it was a full of pure insanity. No really, insanity. We are NEVER doing this again as long as I live!

Once we packed up and left our first and only home (mind you, this is the home I met my husband in, our first kiss was on that front porch, every memory of our story takes place in that home) I managed to make it out the driveway with only a few breakdowns and cry fests. Our adventure to la-la land had just begun!


Since we lost so much time losing offers on prior houses it meant we were "homeless" for about a 6 week period until we could move into the new place. No problem, we thought, we will live in our camper at the local reservoir. You read that right, 5 humans, in a camper, for 5 weeks straight. Somehow we lost our minds and thought this would be ok. Granted our camper is pretty amazing, 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, a kitchen... but 5 people and a dog in a few hundred square foot area for 5 weeks. Yea.

Unfortunately thanks to the droves of, shall I say, older folks that love to RV across the country in summer the reservoir was booked solid for weekends throughout our timeline which meant we could only camp there during the week and we'd have to pack up and leave each weekend and find another place to stay and then head back to the campground the following week. Logistically this was an epic shit show for obvious reasons. Our plan for weekends ended up being a rotation between the grandparents homes, one weekend my parents, next weekend hubby's, etc. Why not just stay with them the whole time you ask? Well why not crash your car into a tree at 100mph... in both cases we know how that will end. As crazy as it may sound to others the plan to rotate, pack up, pack out, yadi yada every 5 or so days was a better plan than to overwhelm either of the grandparents with our tribe of 5 for a full 5 weeks.

Alas our National Lampoons summer "vacation" unfolded... Our plan was that hubby would get up and leave for work from the campground, I would hang with the dudes during the day at the swimbeach, and we'd carry on with dinner and bedtime. It'd be like a fun camp trip, just an extended version. Well unfortunately this summer we ended up with record rainfall so the week prior to our arrival at Casa Campground the reservoir had flooded, literally 16 FEET higher than it's usual level. The swim beach we'd counted on was entirely under water, as in the BATHROOM buildings were completely under water. The main entrance to the entire reservoir was flooded leaving only a second entrance as the way in and out. This was an annoying hiccup but we improvised... rather than spending time at the swim beach to beat the heat we filled up the baby tub with water and buckets with water and the dog bowls with water and had a grand old time out in front of the camper true redneck style.



The weather became an outrageous problem. We ranged between scorching hot temps (and day 1 our camper A/C went out... yay) to pouring rain flooding us out. The day we left for our first grandparent rotation weekend we barely packed up and headed out before the emergency alerts were nailing our phones.... TORNADO warnings all around. Awesome. Got 2 miles down the road and my car broke down.... so Hubby with the giant 5th wheel camper on the back of the truck had to find a way to turn around to get us, then cleverly shove all of us, a dog, and our "weekend luggage" into his already packed full truck, drop the camper off at the storage facility, then turn around and come hook up and tow my car out of the middle of the road.... in the pouring rain and wind and tornado warnings. If this were any indication of how the following weeks were about to go just shoot me now.



After the weekend it was time to pack it up and go get the camper again to head to Casa Campground. As we pull in, we see a sign telling us that the electrical hook ups will not be available because they are working on it... mmmmookie dokie. No problem, we can handle it, use the generator, survive the week. A few days into week 2 and flash flood warnings sounded the emergency alerts on our phones at 6 am followed by phone calls from the family concerned we would wash away. Entertaining 3 dudes INSIDE a camper 24 hours a day thanks to the rain and lighting became a real joy. But we survived. Off to grandparent rotation 2 and time to enjoy the birthday party I planned for D Man from the campsight having all of the things delivered to the grandparents house.

Week 3 couldn't have gone off without a hitch, that wouldn't suffice for our National Lampoon Vacation! We pull in to another "surprise" sign... this time telling us that the SEWER hook ups are not available thanks to all of the flooding. AND, for the same reason, the bathroom buildings were not available for use either! The alternative, a handful of port-a-potties were placed around the campground. Oh this was getting really fun now. It was like a forced off the grid adventure. More flooding, more rain, more tornado warnings, hail, etc. And yet we survived week 3 and 4.

All the while our house closing was in process. It was about this time that this part of our adventure went to hell in a hand basket thanks to the overburdened Denver housing market. Basically everything is backlogged, taking FOREVER, inspections, paperwork, etc all running about 4x slower than normal. To make a long story short, we ended up having to push our closing out by just over 2 weeks. TWO MORE WEEKS OF HELL. Between the disaster that our lender is and the disaster that our mortgage broker was it was truly a miracle that we ever closed on our house. I kid you not, in the middle of signing the closing papers we were still unsure if we would be able to actually move into the house that day. I've never experienced a more stressful bunch of crazy town in my life.

It took several weeks before I could actually believe that this saga was over, that we really did have a new house, and we could move in. I flat out refused to believe it was true until I put my head on my pillow in this new house because we had the rug pulled out from under us SOOOO many times. Subsequently, we had work we wanted to do to the house prior to moving our things in, this is what happens when your hubby is a contractor. What could've gone smoothly of course didn't and that turned into an adventure of it's own including my husband collapsing on the floor in the middle of staining the new hardwood ending up in the hospital with a kidney stone at midnight. Par for the course.


Throughout all of the extra time added to our homelessness we threw in the towel on our camping extravaganza and stayed with the inlaws who were nice enough to accommodate our wild circus for nearly a month. I had to reschedule moving trucks and orchestrate the moving plan 3 different times but finally.... oh my lord finally.... a semi truck full of boxes later and we actually had our belongings in our new place. July 23rd is the first night I put my head on my pillow of our new house, our new adventure.


Getting here had no shortage of growing pains, I don't think my sanity could've been tested any further. But we did it! The new chapter begins and we are LOVING every moment of it now!

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