So the moment I found out that I was pregnant with my little nugget I felt an instant sense of excitement and then nearly burst into awful sad tears. I was almost devastated in a way for my older son, I felt like I was ruining his life and that I'd be taking all of the attention off of him from this moment until forever. It was a good few days of this horrible feeling until I finally started to see the positives of what a little brother would bring to his life rather than the doomsday approach I found myself in.
I vowed to make sure that he NEVER felt slighted, that I would go out of my way to make sure that everyone paid just as much attention to him after the baby arrived as they did on a normal basis. I just felt like I had to make sure that his life didn't change in any negative way and it wasn't until I hashed this over in my head that I finally gave myself permission to be happy about our upcoming addition.
If I only knew then what I know now...
Just the other night I was shopping for xmas presents and had picked out a whole cart full of things for HL, I was nearly skipping around the store going OH he would LOVE this, and AHH Mickey Mouse yep gotta have that, etc. I finished and looked down and realized that I hadn't picked out ONE thing for my little nugget... not a single thing. Not only that but I hadn't even thought about him while I was shopping. It was like someone slammed me in the face with a bat and I almost wanted to cry. It wasn't the age, not like it's less fun to shop for a 6 month old rather than a 2 year old... I dont know what the heck has happened! I was so so excited to take HL to get his picture with Santa last year, drove an hour to do so, and it's not the same this year... it makes me so sad. I know we're much busier now, we have 2 kids needs to meet, yaddi yadda... but it's no excuse.
It turns out that I really should've been more concerned with my BABY dude rather than my big boy because in all reality it's the poor baby that gets the shaft. A toddler demands your attention whether you want to give it or not, they're mobile, they have mouths, and attitudes so you have no choice. A baby on the other hand sits in a bassinette cooing to themselves (well at least a good majority of the time) and it's often easy to forget about them. Granted little nugget has definitely figured out a way to assert himself in our family and I have a feeling this contributes to his 'needy-ness' and high demanding personality.
I mean the poor guy gets really no new clothes, they're all hand me downs. All of his baby gear has been
Then we move on to the pictures... I filled an entire external hard drive with photos of HL before he was a year old. Hundreds and hundreds a month. On the contrary, I have maybe 500 total pictures of my little nugget including his birth!
And the experiences... as much as it pains me to say it isn't exactly as exciting to experience all of the milestones the second time around. Dont get me wrong, I anxiously await them and I LOVE watching my baby dude grow and learn about his world, I really really do! But I will admit there is a little tiny bit of less enthusiasm this time around. I'm not up all night researching which baby foods to try first and how many wet diapers I should be seeing a day, or religiously scrapbooking every giggle and sneeze. For one thing I don't really have the time anymore with a wild and crazy 2 year old and a needy little baby. But I really have to stay on myself to stay in the moment and relish these baby days since I know all too well how fast they go by.
It's a double edged sword really... as I've come to find out is true of a LOT about parenting...
Thankfully after my Christmas shopping episode I got a huge wake up call. I put back half of my cart of presents and headed over to the baby aisles and submerged myself fully into finding special things that my nugget would love and it felt really good to focus solely on him for a moment. And if nothing else it's all given me some interesting insight into baby dude's super needy personality. It's like he's there to remind us not to forget about him amongst the chaos. And thankfully kids dont remember these times in their life... it's like a grace period for parents to get their shit together without ruining them for life ;)