Monday, May 16, 2011

I am ready.


37 weeks
 I always wondered if you ever REALLY feel ready for a baby, whether your first or 10th. I mean sitting there a mere week ago ready to pop I still had no idea if you ever really get there especially given the fact that I've been more anxious this time around than I ever was while pregnant with HL.

I think I've kept myself in quite the stage of denial about the whole thing for the past 38 weeks. I've procrastinated on everything from ordering diapers to painting the nursery. I guess it just seemed like convincing myself that we had PLENTY of time to do everything was a better way to deal with the fear of the unknown of actually having two children. That was at least part of the procrastinating. The other part was making sure that I didn't rush myself along from point A to point B and end up missing everything in the middle as I've come accustomed to doing in life, it's not a good trait to live by and it's something I've REALLY been working on since becoming a mom.

38 weeks
So these whole 9 months have gone by at times quickly and at times slowly but it's all snuck up on me quickly lately. I mean finally, it was about time to get down to work! Otherwise this kid would've come home from the hospital to complete chaos, with no clean clothes, to a mommy on the verge of losing it.



And here I sit, 38 weeks and counting, 2.5 cms down (I'll take any progress I can get!), and I can finally say it has dawned on me...

I AM READY.

Not in a 'I can't wait to get this thing outta me' kinda way but in a full out I'm ready for this next chapter of life to begin kinda way. I can't wait to meet this little guy, I can't wait to see HL finally meet his little brother, I can't wait to wash teeny weeny baby clothes, I can't wait to see first smiles again, aaaggghhh I am just excited.

I've finally moved on from the fear and anxiet and I'm just plain elated and excited now. It's like when you finally have all the Christmas presents wrapped and under the tree and you can sit back with a cup of hot chocolate and relax and then drift off to sleep excited to enjoy the next day with your loved ones. Like finally taking a deep breath. Now when I think about heading into the hospital my heart races for different reasons.

We have the carseat clean and ready to go, the pack n play is going up in our room tonight, tiny newborn diapers are stocked in the nursery, bottles are sterilized and waiting, my breastpump is coming today, so all that's left is packing the bags and heading out to get our little dude from the stork... if only it was that easy ;)

I am finally ready... something I wasn't sure was ever going to happen. Now prepared? That may be another question... but we are definitely ready whenever he decides to make his grand entrance :)

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