Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dear Holden... a look back at how you arrived here to be our son

Dear Holden,

I want to tell you a story.... you were a figment of your mom's imagination about 6 years ago... I had just left a 4 year relationship, I was living the single life... and boy was it a wild life. Doing things that you are never allowed to do and will surely be grounded for if I catch you! My heart was broken, I had no idea what I wanted in life, I was just living by the seat of my pants and doing anything I could to distract myself from the rejection I had allowed myself to experience for the past four years. I was at a fork in the road but I had no idea how much life was going to change.

By chance my best friend and I decided to reunite with some high school buddies for night of cocktails and hanging out until the sun came up (again something you are never allowed to do). We showed up on the doorstep of a house and went in to see some old familiar faces and some not so familiar faces. A great night that was.... I met your Daddy, it was his house, and the little devil took to hitting on me pretty quickly. Don't listen to him deny this, I can tell you it's true. He was so handsome and we immediately hit it off.

We started dating and I'm going to tell you about our first kiss, not to gross you out, but so that you can see how smitten your poor Daddy was... I had gone over to watch a movie with your him and his roommates, we sat there next to eachother the whole night, neither one of us would make the first move to even hold hands! You have to keep in mind that your father was quite the Casanova, he had a new lady friend every other night, he could have any girl he wanted (and trust me your momma will beat your butt if you ever behave this way!!) Anyway, the time came for me to leave, my ride had arrived, so I kind of stalled... I was waiting for him to make the first move... I stalled a little more pacing around the kitchen and finally when it was clear that he was NOT going to make a move I said "Ok well see ya later" and walked out the front door. I couldn't believe the man wouldn't kiss me, what was the matter with him! Well apparently I wasn't the only one who thought he was being ridiculous because unknown to me his roommates gave him quite the lashing when I walked out that front door. "Dude what are you doing?!!! KISS her!!" I wish I could've been a fly on the wall for that one, but instead I'm walking down the front steps and I hear the door fly open and he yells "WAIT!!" I turned around and he grabbed me and kissed me.... it was kind of romantic, until my bestfriend who had come to pick me up started yelling WOO HOO from the car window! See your Daddy was so smitten he couldn't pull out his Casanova moves on me... so cute...

Well the rest is history as they say Holden... I fell hard and fast for your Daddy... he swept me off of my feet and before I knew it I was head over heels in love him. Those big blue eyes had captivated me. This wild girl had found someone to tame her, my crazy life was now a thing of the past. I had moved to Colorado Springs for nursing school, had my own apartment but found myself commuting back to Denver every other day to see my love. Pretty soon we decided we would move in together so I packed my apartment up just 6 months after signing the lease and moved back. I transfered schools.... it was a turning point in my life. I had never been happier, I was happy with myself, I felt loved, I had goals, I finally knew what I wanted out of life.

We embarked on some amazing years having a great time with eachother. Started the business and watched it continue to grow, found ourselves some puppies to add to our home (they love you a lot too!), took some great vacations, and we found new ways to fall in love with eachother again every day. Ultimately I found your Daddy down on one knee in Vail professing his love to me and asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. I couldn't believe that I had arrived at this place in my life.... wow.... the man of my dreams was on his knees in front of me asking me to be his partner for life. At that point this was the most happiness I had ever experienced.

Our wedding day was so magical, we wed under the aspens and pine trees next to a rushing river, the most amazing outdoor cathedral. I'll never forget the look in your father's eyes when I rounded the corner on my Dad's arm. With our closest friends and family we told the world of our love for eachother and promised to make each day with eachother better than the one before.... and we're doing a pretty good job with that one....

After the wedding we started thinking about having someone like you around the house, there would be nothing better than a little baby for us to give our love to. So we had some time being just the two of us, newlyweds, and ultimately decided to start trying. Well little did we know that we would have to wait patiently for you... month after month we were unsuccessful. There were many tears, many breakdowns, and feelings of despair in the 9 months that we waited for you. And finally I saw those 2 lines on the pregnancy test.... I found myself thinking again 'I can't believe I have arrived at this place in life' wow I'm going to be someone's mom! I found the best way to tell your Dad of our upcoming arrival, I had to make it special... he was just as happy as I was to find out. He held me so tightly as we cried from excitement about our future to come....

Well 9 months later I was laying in a hospital bed pouring all of my God given strength in to getting you out into this world to meet you. Your poor Dad was a wreck, worried to death about the both of us, it was incredibly rough on both you and I, but my motivation to meet my wonderful son got me through it. I smiled as I looked across the room at Daddy staring in amazement at you in the bassinette as they cleaned you off. Our journey of anticipation was over and here you were...

Remember that doorstep I arrived on 6 years ago... that is the same doorstep that I would have my first kiss from your father... that is the same doorstep that I would walk across after returning from our honeymoon.... it's the same doorstep that we would carry our beautiful baby boy across after returning home from the hospital.

It's funny how you really don't know what life has in store for you, you can do all the planning you want and guess what, it means nothing, life is going to happen the way it's supposed to, so you might as well just sit back and enjoy it. And now I wake up to another set of beautiful blue eyes and smiles and coos and I can't believe this is where I am in life.

And that's how you came to be dear son... you are more loved than you can ever know.... And you know what, your Daddy and I love eachother just as much which equally as important. We are both here for you no matter what and we are both striving our hardest to be the best parents you could have. We were given such a precious gift and we intend to make sure we are deserving of your wonderful presence. I hope that one day when you look back at your life that you are proud to call us your parents and that you feel that we did a good job. I vow to give you everything in life that is humanly possible and to love you unconditionally for as long as I live....

All my love,
Mommy

3 comments:

Mrs. D said...

This is such an adorable story!! :)

Kim said...

Such a great story. Made me get all teary eyed. Very sweet!!

Kaymee81 said...

I just cried my eyes out reading this! so sweet, thanks for sharing :)

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